From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories
Other quotation pages: First-Hand, Silly, Context-Free.
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From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories
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This is the collection of "Profound" Observations. Other quotation pages: First-Hand, Silly, Context-Free. |
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. -- Fletcher Knebel
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it si very important that you do it. -- Ghandi
Don't judge a book by its mini-series.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. --Gerald Ford.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -- Sigmund Freud
Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. -- Roy Ash
Make things as simple as possible, but not simpler. --Einstein
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer
"Always forgive your enemies-- nothing annoys them so much." -- Oscar Wilde
"That old law about an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind." -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
"If I had finished this sentence." -- Hofstadter
"Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove." -- Ashleigh Brilliant
Verbing weirds language. --Calvin
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat - Lewis Carrol
"That's the way it is around this place, the fantasy always wins." - Jim Henson
"If you wnat to be involved in Star Trek, don't wear a red shirt." -- Walter Koenig
"I don't need someone to tell me how good my coffee is." - Q. Tarintino in Pulp Fiction
"There is not a man, woman, or child alive who does not enjoy a delicious beverage." -David Letterman
"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." - Susan Ertz
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
It is bad luck to be superstitious. ( -- Andrew Mathis)
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- Bill Watterson, cartoonist
"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers." - Scott Adams
"Some want to achieve immortality through their works. I plan on achieving immortality by not dying." - Woody Allen
"Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either." -- From "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in 'Life In Hell' by Matt Groening
"The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs." -- E. Grebenik
"Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher." -- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
"You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1." - Ernest Rutherford
"I can't understand any discussion of gays and lesbians as if they were something immoral or unsatisfactory - they're doing just what nature wants them to do." -- Buckminister Fuller
"Very strange people, physicists - in my experience the ones who aren't dead are in some way very ill" --Mr Standish "The Long Dark Tea-Time Of The Soul" by Douglas Adams
"Of all the radio stations in Chicago... we're one of them." - Slogan of 105.9, a 'classic rock' radio station in Chicago
"Sacred cows make the best hamburger." -- Mark Twain
"These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it." -- Charles Barkley
"No child has ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived." - Sideshow Bob
"Life would become unbearable if Barney were to become one with the Borg. What if the little purple bastard turned out to be dominant and the Borg became one with Barney? And, even worse, what if the Borg ended up in a feedback loop and spent the rest of existence singing that evil song over and over again?" - Heather Brown
"Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money." - Leon Lederman
"How dare you? There's *ALWAYS* something to solve for!" - Nadia, to Angie in passionate disbelief that the physics problem had been completed.
"Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally." - A. Lincoln
"Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool." - Bellamy Brooks
"It's a famous result that you need to know the first derivative in order to find the second derivative... uh... unless you're really smart." - Ed Packel, in DiffEQ
'You'll know beauty when you see it.' -- Alberti, Renaissance architect.
"If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides." --Old Yiddish proverb
"I have not failed 10,000 times. I have successfully found 10,000 ways that don't work!" -Edison.
"Chance favors the prepared mind." - Louis Pasteur
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding Einstein: "God does not play dice." Hawking: "God not only plays dice, He also sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen."
"One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid." - J. D. Watson "The Double Helix"
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use." - Galileo Galilei
"When a finger is pointed at the moon, the idiot looks at the finger." (Chinese proverb... that sounds too deep. Let me try that again.) -- H. H. Williams
"If you're happy everyday of your life you wouldn't be human being... youd be a game show host." - Veronica from "Heathers"
"You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that." - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs "If it wasn't for half the people in america, the other half would be all of them." - Dan Kleppner
"Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." - Winston Churchill
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. I'm not sure about the former." - Einstein.
"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake since for him the spinal cord would fully sduffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, senceless brutality, deplorable loce-of-country stance, how violently i hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder." - Einstein.
"When in doubt, cause as much confusion as you can, and, with luck, there'll always be a loophole." - Richard Mueller
"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.... I get most joy in life out of music." - "What Life Means to Einstein: An Interview by George Sylvester Viereck," for the October 26, 1929 issue of 'The Saturday Evening Post'.
"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correalate all its contents." - H.P. Lovecraft, "The Call of Cthulhu"
"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18." - Einstein.
"It's bad luck to be superstitious." - Andrew W. Mathis
"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." - George Bernard Shaw
"Pearl Jam are real fake. I think the singer's a wanker. I don't believe him, he's totally insincere." --Paul Hester, drummer of Crowded house.
"Never drink anything bigger than your head." - Bono, of U2.
"If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house." - Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" "He who fights the future has a dangerous enemy. Through the eternal we can conquer the future" - soren kierkegaard
"Support your local coroner. Drop Dead." - Unknown "There are no happy endings because nothing ever ends." - Schmendrick the Magician, 'The Last Unicorn'
"Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a room." -Blaise Pascal
"That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse." - Bill Watterson
"Either this wallpaper goes or I do!" - Famous last words of Oscar Wilde
"Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity. I'm not sure about the former." - Albert E. "The two most plentiful things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity" - Unknown, a corollary to the previous statement.
"Ignorance propagates itself. Unless it is stopped as soon as it starts it will continue to grow." - Daniel Basgall
"You know what Forrest Gump would say if he met Jesse Helms? 'Boy, is he stupid.'" - Dave Letterman
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. - Dale Carnegie
"good bye...I'm leaving because I am bored" - George Sanders dying words.
"About 1,529." - Annie Lennox, when asked "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?"
"DATE = BAD" -- Dr. Science
"Yield to temptation... it may not come along again." - Lazarus Long
"There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation." - John Ciardi "Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it." - Dave Barry, "Bad Habits"
"That's the problem with terrorists-- They're terribly inconsiderate about your schedule." - True Lies
"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?". - A. Einstein
On the other hand... You have different fingers. - Steven Wright
"Ludwig Boltzmann, who spent much of his life studying statistical mechanics, died in 1906, by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study statistical mechanics. Perhaps it will be wise to approach the subject cautiously." - David L. Goodstein "States of Matter"
"Chicago has two seasons, winter and St Patricks Day" - "Homicide: Life on the street"
"I don't understand these complaints about the postal service. Time was, you could put a two-cent stamp on a letter and mail it, and it would arrive at its destination in two days. Now you put a twenty-five-cent stamp on a letter and it can take three to four weeks to arrive. Still only a penny a day!" (From the letter column in Harper's Magazine, in response to an article about the US Post Office.)
"Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb." - Dark Helmet
"great to make love to." - Sarah McLachlan on Peter Gabriel's Passion album.
"All fabulous people have had respiratory or bone disease. It's terribly romantic!" Juliet in "Heavenly Creatures"
The best thing to teach your parrot to say is, "Here kitty-kitty-kitty, here kitty-kitty-kitty."
"If it's a good idea - go ahead and do it. It's much easier to apologize than it is to get permission." - Grace Murrey Hopper, Ph.D., Rear Admiral U.S.N., ret.
"Humans are creatures who spend their entire lives in an attempt to convince themselves that their lives are not absurd." - Albert Camus
"i think it's really rough to be a guy these days. it's really rough, because you're so totally in shock that we're taking over! no pity, boys, no pity." - tori amos, off a bootlegged album
"What a wonderful thing a woman is. I can admire what they do even if i don't understand why." - steinbeck
"Computers are useless. They only give you answers." - Picasso
"Only time (whatever that may be) will tell." - Stephen Hawking "There's so much time and so little to do! WAIT! Scratch that... Reverse it. THERE!" - Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka
" These are dangerous days. To say what you feel is to dig your own grave." - Sinead O'Connor
"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce" - Winston Churchill "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal." -Albert Einstein. "The war after the next will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein (shorlty after WWII)
"I think that it is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial intelligence." - Richard Feynman
"One need not be married to achieve status." -Miss Piggy
"There's no denying that life is frighteningly unpredictable" - La Marquise de Mertueil, Les Liasons Dangereuses
"Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty." - Stanislaw J. Lee
"Some have brains, some don't and that's just the way it is." -- Eeyore
"I care what people think about my work as long as it changes their mind about something that they're absolutely sure of." - Robery Rauschenberg, American Artist.
"Father says, 'Bow your head like the good book says.' I think the good book is missing some pages." - Tori Amos
"Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence." - Henrik Tikkanen
"I should be doind my homework now, but the way I look at it, playing in the snow is a lot more important. Out here I', learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life." "Such as?" "Procrastinating and rationalizing." - Calvin and Hobbes
"C is for cookie and that's good enough for me!" - The Cookie Monster
"Flattery must be pretty thick before anybody objects to it." - William Feather "What really flatters a man is not the flattery itself, but rather that you think him worth flattering." - George Bernard Shaw "Flattery is like a cigarette - it's all right so long as you don't inhale." - Adlai Stevenson
"I've been to hell. I spell it...I spell it DMV. Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean." - Primus (Les Claypool), "DMV"
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