From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories
Other quotation pages: Profound, Silly, First-Hand
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From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories
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This is the collection of "Context-Free" Observations. Other quotation pages: Profound, Silly, First-Hand |
An actual recent advertisement for a job in Switzerland said: "SWITZERLAND tends to be nice to scientists. It boasts the highest super- computing capacity per capita, the most Nobel prizes per capita (4-5 times the US value), the highest GNP per capita, and the best chocolate."
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. -- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour
"Luke, at that speed do you think you can pull out in time?" -- Han Solo
"One good mistress deserves another" -- Paul Eluard & Benjamin Peret
"I've come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubble gum" -- Roddy Pipper, in "They Live"
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." -- Hunter S. Thompson
"If I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you." - Chuck Norris
This is a paraphrase of a comment made in a local alternative newspaper: "The Biosphere II, which is supposed to represent a balanced sampling of life on Earth, contains over 3500 species of plants, animals, birds and insects. And eight white people."
"The first day of classes is like sex for the first time; you don't know quite what to expect, and you feel good when it's over." - Unknown.
"Love is blind and I have a selective memory." - Moliere, "The Miser"
"I just... *love* scanning for lifeforms!" --Data, "ST:Generations"
"I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell's ass." [Senator Barry Goldwater]
"Jim Bakker spells his name with 2 k's because 3 would be too obvious." [Bill Maher, host of Politically Incorrect]
"You know that it would be untrue, you know that I would be a liar, if I was to say to you, I didn't set your house on fire... Life can really burn you up when you're a pyromaniac." - The Dead Milkmen, "If You Love Somebody, Set Them on Fire"
"Called you up - - answering machine, when the human touch is what I need..." - James
Malcolm: God creates Dinosaurs, God destroys Dinosaurs, God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates Dinosaurs. Satler: Dinosaurs Eat man, Woman inherits the Earth. -- Jurassic park.
Dear sirs: Apparently, a slight violation of the truth-in-advertising laws forces me to make the following statement. When in my commercial, it was reported that I had sold more records than the Beatles, Elvis Presley, and Frank Sinatra combined, it was not clearly stated that the Beatles, Presley and Sinatra had never combined to make a record. My apologies for any confusion. -Slim Whitman [National Lampoon, 10-85]
"The next question was - what makes planets go around the sun? At the time of Kepler some people answered this problem by saying that there were angels behind them beating their wings and pushing the planets around an orbit. As you will see, the answer is not very far from the truth. The only difference is that the angels sit in a different direction and their wings push inward." -- Richard Feynman "Character Of Physical Law," p. 8
At one such lecture, Feynman was characteristically brilliant. But the unforgettable moment came at the beginning of the lecture. The supernova of 1987 had just been discovered, and Feynman was very excited about it. He said "Tycho Brahe had his supernova, and Kepler had his. Then there weren't any for 400 years. Now I have mine." The class fell silent, but Feynman continued on. "There are 10 to the 11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a *huge* number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. - from an introduction to a book on Feynman's freshman physics lectures
"The bridge between here and despair is a good night's sleep." --unknown.
"Pete's grandmother lived to be 103 and never needed glasses. She drank straight from the jug."
"I thought it was A B C D E F G, H I J K - ELMO - P...!" -- Elmo on Sesame Street
"If that guy with bananas comes around, send him to my offices -- I'm hungry...World domination is the next logical step." - from a horoscope
"You can't hear when your ears are bleeding!" - Wayne and Garth, "Pain Cave"
"This show is so exciting, I am _forced_ to wear rubber shorts." - the host for the new 'The Price is Right'
"Ohhhhh I love your private parts... yes I love your private parts! It makes me feel special and it warms my heart, when you show me your private parts!" - Vicky on VH1 Standup Spotlight
"Oh, don't worry. Most of you will never fall in love. You'll just marry out of fear of dying alone. Hahahahahaha!" - Ms. Krabappel, on "The Simpsons"
"SQUEAK, squeak, I tell you--SQUEAK." - Ren, on "Ren and Stimpy."
"Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled." - Harlan Ellison
"I can think of worse ways to die, but none so degrading as auto-erotic asphyxiation." -- the X-Files.
As Seen On TV: (Interviewer): "Gary Kasparov, you've just beaten the world's most powerful chess computer, what are you going to do next?" (Kasparov): "I'm going to http://www.disneyworld.com"
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain
The Brain: Pinky, AYPWIP? Pinky: I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking... I mean, what would the children look like? -- Animaniacs
"It's about intolerance, which I will not tolerate." -- Sen. Dole.
"...and on the third hand,...." -- Dave Kaplan
"this is the last book you will ever read." - misprint on the back of a book
"Art thou bored? Snap into a slim-jim!!! - Macho Man Randy Savage
"Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?" - Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club"
"I shot myself because I love you. If I loved myself I'd be shooting you." - Karen Finley "Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof." -- John Kenneth Galbraith
"It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs." - Oxford University Press, Edpress News
Maude: Psst! Like some licorice? Harold: Uh, no. Thank you. Maude: You're welcome. - at a funeral, where they met. "You're good with people." - Harold "Well, they're my species." - Maude --Harold and Maude (where else, right?)
"It doesn't help matters when prime time TV has Murphy Brown, a character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly-paid, professional woman, mocking the importance of fathers by bearing a child alone and calling it just another lifestyle choice." -J. Danforth Quayle
7:-) Quotations on & by Ronald Reagan "We're leaving. I can't stand that f*cking Ronnie. He's such a bore. Every time you get near the bastard he makes a speech and he never knows what he's talking about." - Frank Sinatra on Ronald Reagan "If Reagan were a teacher at a nonprestigious junior college he'd be denied tenure. The man needs to drop bread crumbs on his way into sentences so he can find his way out again." - TV writer Sherry Coben "Balancing the budget by cutting the cost of government is the Republican way." - Ronald Reagan, 1978 "I believe the budget can be balanced by 1982 or 1983." - Ronald Reagan, September 1980 "I have submitted a plan that can provide for a balanced budget by 1983 if not earlier." - Ronald Reagan, October 1980 "We will fight to the last blow to achieve it by 1984." - Ronald Reagan, September 1981 "In the first place, I said that a balanced budget was our goal, not a promise." - Ronald Reagan, December 1981
"Why for you bury me in the cold, cold ground?" - The Tazmanian Devil.
"All across ther nation tonight [and every night] men are confused" - Peter Jennings (edited by R. Jones)
"I'm not going to have anything nice to say about this place when I get back." - Willie Scott, "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"
The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood as he reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all. The Gray Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in the palace of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in twenty-five of him are dead, he is alive. "Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a fierce host which out-numbers Lankhamar's inhabitants by fifty to one -- and equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city." "How?" demanded Fafhrd. Ningauble shrugged. "You're a hero. You should know." -- Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
"Life is a city full of strange streets, And Death is a marketplace where everyone meets." - Willam Shakespeare
"I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years... I'm nodummy." -- Charles deMar, "Better off Dead"
"drip drip drip dripdrip drip drip drip drip drip drip...." - the cure
"You see, here at Taco Bell, every day is a new day." - Manager of the Flint, Michigan Taco Bell in "Roger & Me"
Buckaroo Banzai Quotations: "The future begins tomorrow at Yoyodyne." "Where are we going?" "Planet 10!" "When?" "Real soon!" -Dr. Emilio Lizardo (John Whorfin) and the red lectroids "No matter where you go, there you are" - Buckaroo Banzai "Perfect Tommy, give her your jacket" "why?" "Because you're perfect" - Perfect Tommy and Buckaroo Banzai "What's that watermellon there for?" - New Jersey "Freeze, I drink your blood!" - Scooter Lindley "Pleaseah fasten yourah seatah belts and exstinguish allah dee smokingah materials..." - John Whorfin/Dr. Emilio Lizardo "Home is where you put your hat." - John Whorfin/Dr. Emilio Lizardo "Character is who you are in the dark." - John Whorfin/Dr. Emilio Lizardo "Laugh while you can, Monkey boy" -Dr. Emilio Lizardo (John Whorfin) "I feel so break up, I want go home" -Dr. Emilio Lizardo (John Whorfin)
Real Genius Quotations: "Did you know that there's a man living in our closet?" "So?" "Well why is he in there?" "Well why are you in there?" "To get my clothes, but that's not why he's in there." "Of course not--you're half his size. Your clothes would never fit him. 30 points higher, eh? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes." - Mitch and Chris "Kent put his name on his license plate-- my mom does the same thing with my underwear." "Your mom puts licence plates in your underwear? How do you sit?" - Mitch and Chris "I want to see more of you in the lab." "All right, I'll gain weight." Dr. Hathaway and Chris Knight "Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?" "Not right now." "A girl's gotta have her standards." --Whatzhername and Chris Knight "You people are pathetic." "What about that one time a saw you naked eating Jello.""Hey! I was hot and I was hungry." - Kent and Chris "I quote the immortal words of Socrates who said 'I drank what?!'" - Chris Knight "Hey, you're not studdering." "I-I- buh be been giv ven myself shock treatments." "Up the voltage." - Student and Prof. "I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said 'I drank what?'" - Chris Knight "Are you Chris Knight?" "I hope so,I'm wearing his underwear..." - Mitch and Chris "And then I saw the most digusting thing I've ever seen in my life" "What?" "Lazlo Hollyfeld in his pajamas." - Chris and Mitch "Did you want to borrow my pajamas?" - Lazlo Hollyfeld
"if you have decided on a killing first you make a stone of your heart if you find that your hands are still willing then you can turn a murder into art" - Sting
"This is the sort of English up with which I will not put." -- Winston Churchill
"Consequences, shmonsequences! So long as I'm rich!" -- Daffy Duck
"The report that important decisions in the White House were based on astrological advice is most disturbing. The results could undermine faith in astrology." Letter to the Editor, New York Times 15 May 1988
There is a 70% probability of tomorrow. -- actual weatherman quote, 1988.
"We exhaustively test and abuse virtually every product we offer." --Advertising flyer from APS technologies.
"I've been looking through microscopes to see how all life begins I've been training my lens on the stars to see where it ends but it's this living inbetween that's been bringing me down...." - James (the band, not the guy)
Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a..... Bricklayer (Devil in the Dark) Engineer (Mirror, Mirror) Coal Miner (The Empath) - Dr."Bones" McCoy, Star Trek I'm a phisician Yako, not a magician - Bones, Anamaniacs Cartoon
"Men suck moldy bread, but we love them anyway." - Carolyne Jack
"Hi, I'm Satan. Enjoy the film." -- MST3K
If I were a poet I would write a sonnet It would say "I love you." Your name would be on it. - Kermit the Frog, "If I Were"
" This writing business, pencils and what not..... Overrated if you ask me. Silly stuff...nothing in it " Eeyore, A.A. Miller
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