QQQ Archives » Extras » You might be a child of the 80's if... From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories

"You might be a child of the 80's if..."

while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans
to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by
Prince over and over again

you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van.  You rode in
the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.

Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the
English language

your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can
only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting"

you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed, not
because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so

you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song

not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your
attention

you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade, and people's sexual
orientation

the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories

you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was
called  "Battlestar Galactica"

songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day

three words: "Atari"  "IntelliVision" and "Colecovision".  Sound
familiar?

you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television
wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it was the ONLY
WAY to use your computer!

you ever owned (or wanted) a pair of "Pop-Wheels" - that handy little
combination of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year on the
open market

a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid"

you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's, pissed
that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted too much time doing
stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and still have no clue what
the 90's are all about

you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those
childhood photos, and they still look bad

you remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was

you were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which you
were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when someone
mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you think of is "Oliver Stone"

you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's
the end of the world as we know it"

you can't remember when the word "networking" didn't have a computer
connotation to it as well

you know all the words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire", but
it really didn't hold any meaning for you until about the third verse

you've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut"

you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following
phases:
 - "When I was younger"
 - "When I was your age"
 - "You know, back when..."
 - "Because I SAID so, that's why"
 - "What the HELL is this noise on the radio?"
 - "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to"

you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T involve
49,000 selections to choose from

Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss
you off by  calling you "sir" or "ma'am"

you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing,
and
you're ready to marry the next person who cards you when you
want to buy cigarettes.

the first time you heard the candidates names, you were pumped because
you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for President, not this Jesse
character.

you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran,
Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video

at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable
tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm

the first time you kissed someone at a dance was during "Crazy for
You" by Madonna

there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went
by the  names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter"

you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons

you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains
on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that Mr. T made
millions seemed rational to you at the time

you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the
streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete
the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter

you read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for Mortal Kombat
just so you could find the hidden screen, and play Pong again for old
time's  sake--Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever
possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.

you ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot Maximillian
from the Disney movie "The Black Hole" and those blender attachments
he had for hands

you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight man with
a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of his clothes and
talked strangely

you're starting to dread you're 30th birthday, and have even begun
going into denial about it's possibility

you've ever said "I'm a vegetarian" and immediately had someone call
you a hypocrite by saying "Nice leather jacket you have there...and gee,
is that a suede bag...those shoes leather, too?"

you're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all, and
it's those people over 40 you have to look out for

you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 - 50"
age category on most questionnaires

you have begun to lust after men or women that it would be socially
inappropriate for you to date due to their age

you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the last
five years, okay?

you can't remember a time when "hitting the outlet stores" didn't mean
going to an electrical warehouse

you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that
maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea
after all

you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your
major/degree

you won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a
first name basis because "there's too many kids there"

you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your back
hurts, sorry

you're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not
just from parents, but now from friends that are married

you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo
used on MTV any more

U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now

you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the
first scene.

you ever used the phrase "don't make me angry...you wouldn't LIKE me when
I'm angry" when trying to frighten someone off.

you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or
Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man

or, if this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life:
Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the
creatures are WAY cool.  Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in
early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special
effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of
every collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the theaters...you are
now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Lea's breasts or
Han Solo's butt.  You fantasize forever and ever about it, and send off
to join every fan club for them on the planet, hanging posters,
photos, and "teen"-type magazine spreads all over your walls and lockers
at school."