QQQ Archives » Extras » Spam From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories

Scene: A small corner office. Seated at a desk is the President of
Apex Global Information Services, Inc. , Phillip Lawlor. A door opens
and a fat, smelly beast of a man enters.

Wallace: Morning

Lawlor: Morning

Wallace: I'm looking for Internet Connectivity. What ya got?

Lawlor: Well, we've got PPP dialups and Web hosting, POP3 servers, PPP
dailups and Web hosting, Web page hostings, POP3 servers and Spam,
Spam, PPP dailups, POP3 Servers and Spam, Spam, POP3 severs, Spam Spam
PPP dialups and Spam, Spam Listserve hosting Spam Spam Spam PPP
dialups Spam ISDN modems and Spam, Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam T-1's
Spam Spam and Spam

N.A.N.A Chorus: SPAM SPAM! SPAMMITY SPAM! SPAMMITY SPAM!

Lawlor: Or a T-3 directly fed into a Cray Supercomputer with multiple
50" Super VGA monitors, 30 Terrabyte hard drives, the latest bug fix
for Windows '95 and Spam

( A customer has wandered in during this litany, looking for Internet
access)

Customer: Have you got anything without Spam?

Lawlor: Well, the Spam PPP POP3 and Spam, thats not got much Spam in
it.

Customer: I don't want ANY Spam

Wallace: Why can't she have have Web Page hosting, POP3 servers, Spam,
and PPP dialups?

Customer: THATS got Spam in it!

Wallace: Hasn't got as much spam in as Spam PPP POP3 and Spam, has it?

Customer: Will you do me Web Page hosting, POP3 servers, Spam, and
PPP dialups without the Spam then?

Lawlor: Ewww!

Customer: What do you mean, Ewww? I don't like Spam!

N.A.N.A. Chorus: SPAM SPAM, HIDEOUS SPAM! SPAMMITY  SPAM, REVOLTING
SPAM!

Lawlor: Shut up! Bloody "computer geeks". You can't have Internet
Access without the Spam!

Customer: I DON'T LIKE SPAM!

Wallace: Shh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll sell you an E-Filter for
$50. I love Spam - I'm getting Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam T-1's
Spam Spam and Spam

N.A.N.A Chorus: SPAM SPAM, HIDEOUS SPAM! SPAMMITY SPAM, REVOLTING
SPAM!

Lawlor: Shut up! Shut up! T-1's are off.

Wallace: Well, can I have Spam instead?

Lawlor: You mean  Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam and
Spam ?!

N.A.N.A Chorus: SPAM SPAM, HIDEOUS SPAM! SPAMMITY SPAM,  REVOLTING
SPAM! SPAA SPAAA SPAAAA SPAAAAA
HIDEOUS SPAM! REVOLTING SPAM!
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAAAAAM!