QQQ Archives » Extras » Conversation With Freddie From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories

        Conversation With Freddie
        -------------------------

The other day I was complaining that I had gained a few pounds.  I
quipped that I could "feel gravity tugging at me."

My large gray cat, Freddie, overheard my whining and corrected me by
saying "Technically, Scott, gravity doesn't tug on you.  Einstein saw
gravity as the bending of space around dense objects."

"Really?" I asked, more to humor him than because I was interested.

Freddie continued, "But I've developed another theory."

"Let's hear it, fuzzy." I said.  (He hates it when I call him that.  But
I wasn't too keen on being called a dense object, either.)

Freddie then went on to explain how the universe was formed in a big
bang.  All matter expanded outward -- as most scientists agree -- but in
addition (and this was Freddie's twist) all matter was rapidly increasing
in size.  According to Freddie, nobody notices that everything is getting
bigger because all our measuring devices and frames of reference are
growing at the same rate.  The only noticeable effect of everything
growing is the illusion of gravity.

"For example," Freddie continued, "If you leap in the air, at first the
distance between you and the earth increases."

"Duh," I countered.

Freddie ignored my witticism and continued, "But while you're in the air,
the earth gets bigger, and you get bigger, and the distance between you
and the earth decreases.  Gravity is just an illusion in an ever growing
universe."

This blew me away.  I sat in stunned silence.  It was a full minute
before I could talk again.

"Freddie," I said.  "Do you realize the enormous economic potential we
have here?"

"I do," he said, somewhat smugly.

So I sold Freddie to the circus for $500.  You don't find a talking cat
that often, and when you do, you don't want to waste it.


                        -- Scott Adams