QQQ Archives » Extras » What I learned from ID4 From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories

"Things I did not know until I saw ID4"
(courtesy of Perry O'Grady)

*It is reasonable to assume that the quality of the training of United
States Marine Corps pilots is such that any Marine fly boy could hop
into an alien spacecraft and immediately be able to fly it into deep
space

*The White House press secretary has a listed phone number

*When stuck in a tunnel and faced with Armageddon in the form of a
fireball that is capable of obliterating all life in Los Angeles, simply
duck into a maintenance closet and let the end of the world pass you by

*High class strippers with a heart of gold can operate most heavy
equipment

*It is not beyond the realm of imagination that the President of the
United States would be a fighter jock and would be willing to return to
active duty to do battle with invincible alien bad guys

*Alien spacecraft the size of Australia can be taken out with one
well-placed sidewinder missile

*Most PowerBooks are configured with interfaces powerful enough to override
the communications systems of the most sophisticated futuristic
societies

*Despite the fact that they wear biomechanical body armor that can only
be removed with a scalpel and the fact that they possess hyper-developed
brains that allow them to destroy their enemies simply by thinking about
it, alien fighter pilots have a glass jaw and can be knocked unconscious
for hours with one punch

*If you are a woman who: 1)survives a blast from an alien spacecraft
that wipes out Los Angeles 2)lives through the ensuing helicopter crash
3)survives while buried by rubble 4)survives despite being transported
by open backed diesel truck across the worst terrain ever created...do
not check into a military hospital with the best medical help money can
buy because YOU WILL DIE

*Despite the fact that no living person, even on a clear day with a map
and two state troopers providing an escort, can negotiate the Los
Angeles freeway system without getting lost, nearly-blown-up women can
drive through the shattered ruins of a decimated Los Angeles straight to
El Toro

*When you crash an alien spacecraft into the high desert because you
were hurtled back through the earth's atmosphere by an atomic blast you
set off, the fact that you do not have a parachute or any other visible
means of slowing your fall does not mean that you should not walk away
from the wreckage completely unscathed and straight into your girl's
arms

*The standard trip home from space, when assisted by an atomic blast,
lasts approximately two to three pulls on a cigar

*Although aliens possess technological capabilities millions of years
beyond our own that enables them to embed secret codes in our satellite
network, they can be stymied by Morse Code, which is generally printed
on the front panel of a child's walkie talkie

*The most sophisticated labs in the world have impenetrable vault doors
buried 30 stories into mountains but use regular hardware store glass
panes for observation rooms in the lab nerve center

*Although aliens possess tentacles dexterous enough to manipulate human
vocal cords from outside the throat when the need to speak strikes them,
they can not open a door for themselves

*The correct military honor for a hero who saves the world by
sacrificing his own life by flying directly into the alien death ray is
to clap and cheer wildly in front of the hero's family immediately after
he perishes

*Any vehicle, including clunkers, can make the trip down from Manhattan
to Washington D.C. in just a few hours in gridlocked end-of-the-world
type traffic.

*Oh, and aliens with no vocal cords scream when you shoot 'em.