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ARE YOU A GOD? Take this simple test and find out. 1) When you invite people over to your house for a party, they: A) Laugh and question whether anyone will show up at all. B) Come over but everyone just winds up watching TV. C) Prostrate themselves and beg for forgiveness. 2) Your children won't listen to you. You: A) Threaten them with the loss of TV privileges for a week. B) Try to talk out your differences to make the house a happier place. C) You ignite a bush and engrave your immutable rules into stone tablets threatening to cast any who stray into flaming pits for eternity. 3) You are bored. You decide now is the time to: A) Organize your laundry into dark, and white wash. B) Commit various random violent crimes. C) Finally get around to separating the firmament from the earth and start working on night and day. 4) When you return home from work you take: A) The bus. B) A carpool on the freeway. C) The Rainbow bridge. 5) It's dinnertime. Unfortunately your cupboard is bare and you have no money. You: A) Hunt for varmint. B) Humbly ask your neighbor for assistance. C) Transubstantiate and nibble on your limbs. 6) You are having a child! You: A) Pass around cigars to all your friends. B) Knit a bonnet. C) Buy a lot of strong pain relievers because the doctor tells you the kid will spring forth fully grown from your split head. 7) The people you hang around with have names like: A) Joe, Bill, Mary, Ziggy. B) Pedro, Maria, Zapata, Francisco. C) He Who Has No Name, A'Thothton, Rah, Hera, Jesus, Michael Jackson. 8) At sporting events you fondly remember the good 'ole days when: A) Players didn't charge kids 20 bucks for an autograph. B) The beer had bubbles in it. C) The winners of the handball game would have their chests splayed open, and their still-beating hearts' would be offered to you in sacrifice. 9) Do you believe in God? A) Yes. B) No. C) How dare you question my existence, puny mortal! Total up the number of A's, B's and C's you scored. Compare the result to the chart below. 1-3 C's: You'd like to think you are all-powerful, but lack conviction. You probably only have one or two small altars in someone's shed in the countryside. Apply yourself more in the realms of subjugating mankind and exposing him to your whim. Try forcing some guy to write a book about you. 4-6 C's: You might very well be a God, but you can't be sure. Try going outside every day and hurling thunderbolts around the park. Randomly choose a city to be destroyed. Think happy thoughts. 6+ C's: You don't really need to be told this (since you're omniscient) but most likely you are a God. Don't panic. It's not the end of the world. Well, it could be if you get angry enough, so keep that nasty temper in check. Perhaps you should quit your job and start a band or something. Send copious riches to the giver of this test.

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