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DILITHIUM RHAPSODY. (To the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen) by Eric the Fruitbat Scene One: The Engine Room Geordie: Is this the warp drive Is this machinery Caught in a fast dive No escape from the gravity Send out your probe Look down at the globe and see I'm just a blind boy Aided prosthetically Because I clearly see, clearly know Enterprise flying low Can you hear the wind blow Bashing through the bulkheads To me, to me Scene Two: The Bridge Troi: The Klingon is in command Has a turtle on his head Looks ridiculous in red Klingons, I can sense it now Are not content to sit at ops all day Worfie, ooh Didn't mean to make you growl I'm glad you shot Picard and William Riker Carry on, carry on (Let your navigating doom us) Scene Three: The Engine Room Geordie: Too late, our time has come Sent shivers through the hull All the readouts going dull Good bye, everybody We've got to go Got to leave the stars behind And crash the ship Troi: Klingon, ooh I don't wanna die I sometimes wish you'd studied those damn controls A light lights up on a console. Geordie: I see a little sillhouetto of a ship Red alert, red alert, will you answer my mayday Planetary lightning, very very frightening me Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Shuttlecraft I'd better go-oh-oh-oh I'm just a blind boy, making a getaway Troi: He's just a blind boy, running for a shuttle bay Spare him his life from this mad mutiny Scene Four: The Shuttlecraft Galileo Geordie: Tractor beam, locking on, will you let me go Worf: Quvatlh, no, I will not let you go Troi: Let him go Worf: Quvatlh, I will not let you go Troi: Let him go Worf: Quvatlh, I will not let you go Geordie: Let me go Worf: Will not let you go Geordie: Let me go Worf: Will not let you go Geordie: Let me go, oh Worf: No, no, no, no, no, no, no Geordie: Oh Leah Brahms, Leah Brahms Tell me where I ought to go Doc Heisenberg has a theory put aside For me, for me, for me He spins off into space and is lost forever. Scene Five: The Bridge Picard: So you think you can stun me and capture my craft So you think you can beat me and give me the shaft Oh, baby Can't do this to my baby Just gotta win out, just gotta get you out of here A battle; Worf is shot. Epilogue: The Shuttlecraft Galileo Geordie: Nothing's really matter Anyone can see Nothing's really matter, nothing's really matter, but me Curtain.
Bonus hidden thing: Star Trek Christmas songs [From Jean-Luc Picard] (to the tune of "Let it Snow") Oh, the vacuum outside is endless, unforgiving, cold, and friendless, but still we must boldly go-- make it so, make it so, make it so. [From William Riker] (to the tune of "Deck the Halls") Here's a vexing Christmas riddle (fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la) Why must I play second fiddle? (fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la) How can I impress Deanna (fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la) When I'm number two banana? (fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la) [From Wesley Crusher] (to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen") I'm at Starfleet Academy and I'd just like to say I miss the opportunity to weekly save the day-- To make things worse I have to be In some dumb Christmas play! Yes I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy, teenaged boy, And the Enterprise was my most favorite toy. [From Data] Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh-- or so I am reliably informed, lacking a subjective and intuitively perceived referent for the term "fun," I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat color the-- yes, sir.

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