QQQ Archives » Extras » Dilithium Rhapsody. From the Q Files, a subsidiary of Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories

DILITHIUM RHAPSODY.

       (To the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen) by Eric the Fruitbat

Scene One: The Engine Room

Geordie: Is this the warp drive
Is this machinery
Caught in a fast dive
No escape from the gravity
Send out your probe
Look down at the globe and see
I'm just a blind boy
Aided prosthetically
Because I clearly see, clearly know
Enterprise flying low
Can you hear the wind blow
Bashing through the bulkheads
To me, to me

Scene Two: The Bridge

Troi: The Klingon is in command
Has a turtle on his head
Looks ridiculous in red
Klingons, I can sense it now
Are not content to sit at ops all day
Worfie, ooh
Didn't mean to make you growl
I'm glad you shot Picard and William Riker
Carry on, carry on
(Let your navigating doom us)

Scene Three: The Engine Room

Geordie: Too late, our time has come
Sent shivers through the hull
All the readouts going dull
Good bye, everybody
We've got to go
Got to leave the stars behind
And crash the ship

Troi: Klingon, ooh
I don't wanna die
I sometimes wish you'd studied those damn controls

A light lights up on a console.

Geordie: I see a little sillhouetto of a ship
Red alert, red alert, will you answer my mayday
Planetary lightning, very very frightening me
Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Shuttlecraft
I'd better go-oh-oh-oh
I'm just a blind boy, making a getaway
Troi: He's just a blind boy, running for a shuttle bay
Spare him his life from this mad mutiny

Scene Four: The Shuttlecraft Galileo

Geordie: Tractor beam, locking on, will you let me go
Worf: Quvatlh, no, I will not let you go
Troi: Let him go
Worf: Quvatlh, I will not let you go
Troi: Let him go
Worf: Quvatlh, I will not let you go
Geordie: Let me go
Worf: Will not let you go
Geordie: Let me go
Worf: Will not let you go
Geordie: Let me go, oh
Worf: No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Geordie: Oh Leah Brahms, Leah Brahms
Tell me where I ought to go
Doc Heisenberg has a theory put aside
For me, for me, for me

He spins off into space and is lost forever.

Scene Five: The Bridge

Picard: So you think you can stun me and capture my craft
So you think you can beat me and give me the shaft
Oh, baby
Can't do this to my baby
Just gotta win out, just gotta get you out of here

A battle; Worf is shot.

Epilogue: The Shuttlecraft Galileo

Geordie: Nothing's really matter
Anyone can see
Nothing's really matter, nothing's really matter, but me

Curtain.

 Bonus hidden thing:

Star Trek Christmas songs

[From Jean-Luc Picard] (to the tune of "Let it Snow")

Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
but still we must boldly go--
make it so, make it so, make it so.


[From William Riker] (to the tune of "Deck the Halls")

Here's a vexing Christmas riddle
(fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la)
How can I impress Deanna
(fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When I'm number two banana?
(fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)


[From Wesley Crusher] (to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")

I'm at Starfleet Academy and I'd just like to say
I miss the opportunity to weekly save the day--
To make things worse I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy, teenaged boy,
And the Enterprise was my most favorite toy.

[From Data]

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
jingle all the way!
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh--

or so I am reliably informed, lacking a subjective and intuitively perceived
referent for the term "fun," I am able only to report the phenomenon as
experienced by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat color the--
yes, sir.