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Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

 1.)   532.35 cm3 gluten
 2.)   4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
 3.)   4.9 cm3 refined halite
 4.)   236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
 5.)   177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
 6.)   177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
 7.)   4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
 8.)   Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
 9.)   473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.)   236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat
transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two
and three with constant agitation.  In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a
radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six,
and seven until the mixture is homogenous.  To reactor #2, add ingredient
eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor
#1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant
agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any
temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture
piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm).  Heat in a 460K oven for a
period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order
rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the
reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table,
allowing the product to come to equilibrium.




Kitchen Basics:

SUGAR COOKIES
=================
sugar
3 dozen cookies

Yields:  36 sugar covered cookies


Toast
=======
bread
toaster


Peanut Butter
=============
1 pound of shelled peanuts
hammer

Yields: a mess



New Low-Low-Fat Diet

This diet came from the Society for Keeping Your Diet to Yourself - used
for people who are sick of everyone talking about stupid system cleansing
fad diets. Please distribute freely, especially to those people who just
won't quit talking about their diet.

BASIC FAT  SOUP (Stay very close to a toilet the first day or so!)
1 cup of bacon grease                 1 or 2 tablespoons of pepper
4 large avocados                      1 pound of cashews (optional)
3 tins of tuna oil                    1 quart of condensed milk
2 cups of sugar                       1 jar of Chicken Bullion cubes
* Water

Warm bacon grease until it's thinned, mix in pepper.  Slice avocados, and
mix with condensed milk.  Heat avocados and milk until boiling, add sugar
and tuna oil.  Crush cashews and mix with bacon grease, and put on medium
heat.  (if you choose, you may season with lard, butter or beef fat.)  After
heating the cashews for 10 minutes, reduce heat to simmer and stir in the
avocado mixture.  Continue cooking until the avocados are mushy.  Dissolve
in bullion cubes.  This soup can be eaten anytime you are hungry.  Eat as
much as you want, whenever you want.  This soup will not only add calories,
but will put weight on you faster than deep fried butter sticks.  The more
you eat, the more you will gain.  Fill a thermos in the morning if you will
be away during the day!  CAUTION:  If the soup is eaten alone for indefinite
periods, you will explode.

DAY ONE: All Meats except lean Roast Beef
Lean pork, and skinless chicken are lower in fat than most meats.  Try to
avoid them.  If you must eat chicken, make sure it's breaded and deep fried
in lard.  Eat only meats with lots of fat on the edges.  Remember to clean
your plate, chew that fat.  For drinks, only whole milk, slurpees, and jolt
cola.

DAY TWO:  All Potatoes
Eat until you are stuffed with all the fresh, baked potatoes you can cram
down your throat.  But don't just eat them plain.  Have a baked potato with
cheddar cheese, sour cream, butter, bacon and chives.  Have a variation, try
to eat as many potatoes as you can, then do shooters of sour cream.  At dinner
time today, reward yourself with a cheese cake.  Do not eat any fruits!

DAY THREE: Eat all the food you can find
Knock over a candy machine, eat all the candy you can find.  Rob a doughnut
shop, take all the fresh ones theyve got!  Try to consume an entire devils
food cake.   If you have eaten for three days as above, and have not cheated,
you will find that you have moved up 4 to 7 sizes.

DAY FOUR: Bananas and Ice Cream   (along with the soup)
Eat as many as three bananas splits, and drink as many glasses of cream
as you can today along with the soup.  Bananas are high in calories and
carbohydrates and so is the cream, but on this particular day, your body
will need the potassium and the carbohydrates, proteins, and calcium to
process all the fat you will take in tomorrow.

DAY FIVE: Sweets, Sweets and Sweets (along with the soup)
You may have  20 - 30 pieces of chocolate.  Preferably eat along with 10,
8 oz. Cadbury fruit and nut choc. bars. In addition, order a 90 piece gift
box of chocolates from Sees Candies, after all, you deserve it.  Try to
drink at least 6 - 8 expressos.  You will need the caffeine to get you through
 the day.  Eat at least 5 cups of the soups today.

DAY SIX:  Wendys Hamburgers and Chili  (along with the soup)
Eat to your hearts content with Wendys Triple burgers, extra large french
fries, and chili. You can even have two or three steaks if you would like with
ice cream, but if you do, you  have to eat 5 stuffed baked potatoes.  Be sure
to eat the soup at least four times today.

DAY SEVEN: Chocolate
Again, stuff yourself, but eat only white chocolate.  As a treat, eat a pie.
But do NOT forget the salad, eat a fresh salad covered in Thousand Island
dressing, with cheese and eggs.  Be sure to have the soup at least 3 times
today.

At the end of the seventh day, if you have not cheated on the above diet,
you will have gained about 8-10 sizes.  If you have gained more than 15
sizes, start the diet again right away.

If you have only gained a few sizes, you aren't trying hard enough.
Remember, resume at Day ONE.

This seven day eating plan can be used as often as you like.  As a matter
of fact, if correctly followed, it will fill your system with impurities and
give you a feeling of hugeness as never before!!

After only seven days of this process, you will begin to feel bigger by at
least 15 pounds, having an abundance of energy.  Continue this plan as long
as you wish and feel the difference. It is NOT recommended that a person stay
off this diet longer than one month.  Remember, sit at home and don't move.
Exercise is a big no-no.

This diet is fattening and the secret is that you will never burn more
calories than you take in.  It will flush your system of health, and give you
a feeling of hugeness like never before; this diet does allows the dieter to
drink as much alcohol at desired.  As a matter of fact, it's encouraged.

Because everyone has a different digestive system, this diet will affect
everyone
differently.  After day three, you will have less energy than when you began if
you do not cheat.  After being on the diet for several days, you will find your
bowel movements have changed, (become huge) - drink a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

DEFINITE NO NO'S:  Low fat food.  Diet Drinks, and of course skim milk.

For drinks: stick with coke, fresh cream, clarified butter, whole milk and
coffee/w cream&sugar.




Rum Cake

Before you start, sample the rum and check for good quality. Good, isn't it?

Now select a large mixing bowl, measuring cups, spatula, etc. (Check that
rum again for quality. It must be just right! Try it again.)

With an electric beater, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add
one tsp. sugar and beat again. (Meanwhile, make certain that rum is of best
quality.)

Add two large eggs and two cups of dried fruit and beat until very high. If
fruit gets stuck in the beater, pry it out with a screwdriver. (Sample rum
again, checking for consistency.)

Next, sift in three (2) cups of baking powder and add a pinch of rum, one
seaspoon of soda and one cupa papper...(or maybe salt?) Anyway, don't fret,
just taste that rum again. Good stuff.

Next, sift in a half pint of lemon juice, fold in chopped buttermilk and
strained nuts. Sample rum again.

Now, one bablespoon srown sugar, or whatever color is around. Mix. Well.

Grease your oven and turn cake pans to 359F. Now, pour the whole mixture
into the oven ... (HONEY? WHERE'S THE MOP??)

On second thought, forget the oven, pitch the cake and check the rest of the
rum. Bo to ged.

			-- Gordon Davisson


 Chocolate Layer Cake 1040

Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not to exceed 1 (one)
pound. (See line 4.)

Line 2. Sugar, light brown or white, unless you or your spouse had a
financial account in a foreign country in 1990, in which case dark brown
sugar must be used. Do not substitute molasses or honey. Use 1 (one) cup and
adjust to taste.

Line 3. Eggs, six or half a dozen, whichever is greater.

Line 4. Semisweet chocolate, 6 oz. Nonfarm families may choose the optional
method of using cocoa powder. If you elect the Cocoa Method, add 1/2 oz.
(One Tablespoon) of butter to each 3 tablespoons of cocoa. Multiply by .9897
per ounce of substitution. For adjustments to sugar, see pg. 29. Add total
of additional butter to Line 1 (above). Sugar adjustments should be
reflected in final total of Line 2. For additional details on cocoa
conversion, see Form 551.

Line 5a. Flour, white. If you were a federal, state or local government
employee, you may be eligible for an excess flour tax credit. Measure 2
cups, sifting is optional.

Line 5b. Flour, whole wheat, 1 2/3 cups.

Line 5c. Alternative mixture: 1 cup white flour plus 3/4 cup whole wheat
flour.

Line 6. Vanilla, 1 teaspoon. See Schedule ZE for reporting use of imitation
vanilla flavoring. You may be able to deduct the cost of real vanilla
extract in 1991 if you itemize deductions.

Line 7. Salt, 1/3 teaspoon (optional). If you are a head of household with
dependents and were born during a leap year, you must add salt.

Line 8. Baking powder, 1 1/2 teaspoons. Use of baking soda will result in a
penalty. See form W-Q.

Line 8a. Walnuts, 8 oz., chopped. You may be eligible to use pecans or
almonds. See Part III of Schedule PE, Itemized Substitutions.

Line 9. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (375 if altitude exceeds 5,500 feet).
Be sure that you have turned the oven on before you begin assembling
ingredients. In a bowl (2 quart capacity), cream butter and sugar for 3
minutes, or until well blended, whichever occurs first. (Note: If you are
using the Nonfarm Cocoa Method [see Line 4], add additional butter and sugar
at this point.)

Line 10. Incorporate eggs, one egg at a time, into creamed mixture. If the
eggs are from a farm of which you are the sole owner, you may be eligible
for a Fowl Credit. See Form 9871m "For the Birds."

Line 11. Add vanilla.

Line 12. In a double boiler, melt chocolate at low heat. If you are using
the Nonfarm Cocoa Method, disregard the preceding instruction and stir cocoa
into the creamed mixture. Then stir in flour from Line 5a, 5b, or 5c, add
salt (optional, but see Line 7 for exception) and baking powder.

Line 13. Add nuts, which should be chopped, regardless of type (See Line
8a).

Line 14. Pour batter into 2 (two) greased and floured 8 inch round cake pans
or 1 (one) greased and floured 9x13 inch pan, which you should have prepared
earlier. Bake in preheated oven (see line 9) for 40 to 50 minutes, whichever
is greater. After removing cake pan(s) from oven, cool for 10 minutes (12
for 9x13 pan) and turn cake(s) out onto wire rack. When cake is completely
cool, frost it. (To determine time needed for cooling, complete Worksheet on
pg. 25.) See Form 873 for details on appropriate frostings. Note: If you
weigh 20 percent more (or higher) than your ideal weight (see chart on pg.
19), ignore this recipe and complete Schedule F, "Fresh Fruit Desserts."